Sunday, March 10, 2013

Icon, guru, warrior, rock star

A friend had an important position coming open in his company and asked another friend and me to help him scout for talent, screen applicants, and vet candidates. In the course of spreading the word about the opening, a résumé hit my e-mail one day with the cover letter below attached. Obviously, it's been sanitized a bit, but it is very real and very much un-edited. If you're looking for this guy, let me know. :-)

ABSOLUTELY NO-ONE KNOWS MORE ABOUT PRODUCTION EQUIPMENT than me because I have designed & built process equipment for 30 years! I have been delivering high quality, customer satisfaction, high profit products & uncompromising services as a seasoned manager & leader throughout my career. I am an ICON in the Industrial Manufacturing Industry as crowned by my customers & peers. Considered a GURU in manufacturing processes, I am able to funnel all of my skills & talents to mentor & lead teams to excellence in their tasks. Manufacturing methodologies & continuous improvements to the production system is what I do every hour. Embedded with creativity & innovation, I make remarkable improvements that change the exciting destiny of a manufacturing business. As a Rock-Star Top Performer, I bring passion, motivation, innovation, inspiration, & dedication to your business synergy & team building perspicacity. Creative thinking as a risk taker, innovative as a thoroughbred multi-disciplined engineer, a driver of status-quo challenges & a commander in achieving the highest of quality excellence, I direct multiple teams through task ownership, stake-holder responsibility, proactive attitudes & the championship of greater market share dynamics yielding enhanced revenues & domination in a best-in-class empire. Expertly trained in Management & Leadership, I have built start-up businesses as well as to enhance existing identities by COMBINING THE EFFICIENCIES OF MACHINES WITH MAN. Schooled in Business Law just adds to my already long list of accolades where contracts & conditions of sale exist. Construction & retrofits have been part of my plant engineering career! With many transferable skills, I constantly seek excellence at its highest level, quest high achievement status, induce safety awareness, aspire to industry recognition & amass loyal followers. I offer mutually earned respect. I honor truth over pride as it forges high values & builds the strongest character. I work smart & encourage all those around me to do the same by eliminating duplicity, overcoming adversity, treating everyone as family & viewing all challenges as an opportunity to become a Warrior & a Gladiator in the business that we serve. I have solid experience in multiple plant oversight engaged in industrial light & heavy metals fabrications, precision manufacturing, complex assemblies, mobile equipment & production machinery, process equipment design & build, capital asset expansion, building codes & construction, & mass product production. My experience is simple; I drive down costs without impacting quality, drive excellence in safety & product production, build solid creative & innovative teams, continuously improve the processes & value streamed production efforts, & promote ownership of tasks from all team members collaboratively. Where money can be saved, I investigate the idea, review implementing the potential costs, compose a proposal & present it to Ownership management for review; then integrate the system upon approval without a severe impact on the existing production where possible. I am a Guru on CNC production equipment, welding processes & materials selection, machining processes, procurement, & a specialist in finding losses in production or product design deficiencies that starve profits. In the consideration of your leaders, understand the candidate's life trajectory rather than their domain expertise. Solid results, sustaining profits, and organic growth are the key objectives of your company. I will lead these initiatives with relentless enthusiasm & tenacious zest; with honor to those who came before me in their pursuit of prosperity. Call me. Thank you.

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